Girls 101
by ValiantToasters
Summary: Sasuke just didn't understand them. They were like cats. One minute they loved you, the next they were scratching your eyes out. Well, one thing was certain: He needed help. sasusaku no bashing.
1. Silly, Clueless boys

-warning, this is a test chapter. though, im liking it more and more.-

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Girls 101 - Chapter 1

The Mysteries That are Females

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Slap!!

Sasuke felt his cheek tenderly as the blond haired girl stalked off, leaving with him a red handprint on his face.

"What was that for?" he asked sourly.

The girl spun around and faced him angrily. "You know very well what!" she said hotly and twirled back around, whipping her hair about in her face and stomping off.

"Not really." he mumbled, sullenly slinking back to the his table in the library, ignoring the death glares being sent from the elderly librarian, who was prone to fits of hysteria if the voice level rose further than a pindrop.

Sasuke heard giggling from behind him and felt his ears turning a delicate pink. Whipping around, he glared at the culprit.

"What do you want, Sakura?" he growled.

Haruno Sakura finished up her giggle and looked calmly at him. "It's just that you're so clueless about girls."

He narrowed his eyes. "And I suppose you have the handbook on women?" he snapped.

She stopped laughing. "Well, you know, I _am_ a girl after all."

He raised his eyebrow, clearly giving the look of _really are you now? _Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Well fine. Wallow about in the seas of stupidity for the rest of your life, for all I care. It's not like you'll ever improve." she gave him a backhanded wave as she collected her books and stalked out of the library.

-

Sasuke was royally sulking. The classroom was cool, and the students attempting to listen in rapt attention as Iruka Sensei gave a speech on the history of tree jumping. Naruto had attempted to listen (for an extremely short amount of time) with him but was now snoring softly, sprawled ungraciously on the chair, and was sliding off the seat and would soon fall to the floor.

The Uchiha watched with mild interest as the blond slipped farther off his chair. He didn't quite know why Monique had slapped him. She had asked him if he thought her sweater was ugly. She was obviously convinced it was, and he had heard once that chicks dig honesty.

So much for _that_ plan of action.

That Haruno chick seemed to have a bit of an idea how this sort of thing worked, but he'd go to hell in green spandex before he accepted help from her.

He supposed he would simply get help somewhere else.

-

"Sasuke-kun, _darling, _you should have come to me in the first place!"

Yanamaka Ino currently held the title of being Uchiha Sasukes ONLY girl confidante. It didn't really matter that she had an imaginary dream realm in which her and Sasuke were married.

She didn't quite qualify as a "confidante," either. She was simply the only girl he KNEW. (beyond her bra size, of course.)

"What is it you need help with?" Ino attempted to flutter her eyelashes coyly, though she failed, instead generating some sort of a twitching motion on her upper eyelids.

Sasuke sighed, made sure they were alone, and opened his mouth.

Ino was sure she was in for a romantic proposal, complete with her name written in the clouds, but instead was hit full on by the following statement:

"Can you teach me about girls?"

She stopped, faltering.

"Why," she stuttered, "Sasuke-kun…don't you, well…_know?_"

Sasuke frowned.

Ino sighed and started going through her schoolbag. "I'll need my anatomy book for this…"

Sasukes eyes suddenly widened with comprehension and he slammed the anatomy book back down on the table. "Damnit, Ino, not _that_ kind of thing!"

Ino lowered the book and looked back up at Sasuke, this time with genuine curiosity. "What did you mean, then?"

Sasuke sighed. "I want to know how their brains work. Why they like chocolate, and why they react to certain things more than others. What they hate, what they love, and why they act the way they do when they see those brainless chick-flicks."

Ino looked down, her forehead slightly wrinkled in thought. Finally she looked up.

"This is going to be tough."

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--

so this is a test chapter. i've already written another one in "harry potter," since no one (me included) could decide where i should post this.

im liking how this is turning out a lot better, though. well, if it is harry potter, it'll be dracoxsomeone.

I'll never know unless you tell me in a

BIG,

SHINY,

PWETTY

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REVIEW.


	2. THIS ISNT A REAL CHAPTER! SKIP IT!

Hey all! listen, i've started stories on Fictionpress (dot) com. i'll post on there fairly frequently. my username is the same as it is on here. i'd appriciate some critisism on my work. im trying to come up with original works.

so go on and check out my homepage. just look for me, valianttoasters!

thanks a bundle, everyone!


	3. Painted Skies

hey there, my faithful readers. hope you enjoy this new installment. we dont cover too many rules in this chapter, and its kind of random, but that's ok.

disclaimer: must i even say it?

**Chapter 2**

**The Window to a Persons Soul**

Sasuke was desperate. The Ino-can-help-me phase had been extremely short-lived. Ino insisted that Sasuke was the dimmest student she had ever had, and besides that, kept trying to kiss him.

Sasuke simply couldn't understand her teaching. She used metaphors that he didn't understand, because they were all about shopping and sleepovers and various cheerful woodland creatures.

In short, girl talk.

He needed someone that he could communicate with, and understood girls. His expectations were high.

Meanwhile, he had lost 2 more girlfriends. One, because she had thought he was cheating on her, because he talked to another girl. The other dropped the "It's not you, it's me" line, which told Sasuke that it most definitely WAS him.

In any case, he decided to pull his last card.

-

Sakura was sitting by the river, with a novel.

Sasuke sighed. He really must be desperate.

"Hey. Sakura."

Sakura looked up, to find the Uchiha boy standing above her, his head cocked to the side, moodily avoiding eye contact.

"Yes?" She asked politely. She'd never been close to the cute dark haired boy, even though they were on the same team. He avoided everyone, and she secretly knew that it was because people annoyed him.

He looked around, discreetly making sure no one saw him with her, lest they should get any ideas. "I…" he stopped, huffing silently.

She smiled softly. He was prideful. "I'll help you." she accepted, without really being asked.

He glared at her. "I wasn't finished."

"Sorry."

"I…" he jerked his head to the side, making his hair clear from his eyes, "I request your assistance on certain… girl… matters."

"I accept."

"_I wasn't done!" _

Sakura sighed and folded her hands in her lap, waiting.

He continued, for some reason determined to run through his entire monologue. "I don't understand girls. They're weird. And I want you to explain them to me."

Sakura inwardly smiled at this. "Say please."

Sasukes head whipped around and he locked eyes with her, glaring. "You already accepted."

"Just say it."

"You accepted TWICE."

Sakura laughed lightly. "I'll not work for someone so rude as you. Can't even say please." she shook her head disapprovingly.

He frowned, looking away. "Please?" he murmured quietly, looking a little defeated.

She nodded, then held up her index finger. "First rule of girls: They're stubborn. Give them what they want, because you won't win."

His eyes narrowed. This was going badly on his part. "Or what," he retaliated, "They'll beat you up?" he snorted softly.

She smirked. "Rule number two: Girls don't solve their problems with violence. They don't punch each other when they're mad, they just tease each other until one becomes anorexic and depressed."

He stared.

Sakura shrugged. "Violence on a different level."

Sasuke smirked and looked down at her pink hair. "I've seen you punch Ino before."

She laughed and got up. "I'm not like most girls."

"No," he said, smiling. "I guess not."

--

Naruto waved frantically from the railings of the bridge, where Sasuke sat alongside him, attempting to tune out the noise.

"Geeze, Sakura-Chan! You take almost as long as Kakashi-Sensei!" Naruto grinned devilishly.

Sakura frowned. "Don't rush girls. Bad luck."

Sasuke looked up wearily.

"Rule three." Sakura nodded, confirming his suspicions and holding up three fingers.

He sighed, leaning backwards. He should probably write these down. Dimly, he wondered if there would be a test on them at the end of this torture.

"Well! It's so nice to see you three, on time and smiling in the morning!" Kakashi sensei popped out of nowhere, smiling charmingly under his mask.

Sasuke frowned. "Too bad you're late, and it's the middle of the afternoon."

Kakashi shielded his lone eye, looking up at the midday sky. "Why," he said with some surprise, "So it is! Hm, I wonder when that happened."

"Oh, about three hours ago." Sakura muttered.

"Odd." mused Kakashi sensei. "I left on time…"

"Where the hell did you GO in between your house and here for three hours?!" Naruto asked in slight amazement.

-

After lessons with Kakashi sensei, Sakura walked back to her house alone, watching the stars slowly become visible, outshining the dying sun. she smiled slightly. It was skies like those, streaked with deep purples and violent reds and blushing pinks that made her wish she could paint, so she could record that beautiful sight and share it with everyone else.

As she walked past an ally, something bright and colorful caught her eye, barely illuminated by the flickering street lamp.

She cautiously headed down the alley, wishing she could take the light with her to see properly.

But she didn't need it to see something like this.

Someone had taken paints of every conceivable color and smeared them across the wall. It didn't look like anything other than havoc when she examined it, but once she stepped back, her shoulder blades against the opposite wall, she saw what it truly was.

It was the most heart stopping, radiant, brilliant street mural she had ever seen in her life.

She wondered who could have done such a magnificent work of art, and why on earth they were only painting on street walls, when this was world class art. She also wondered where the creator of this masterpiece was. The paint was still wet, and the paints that had been used were still open. Obviously someone had fled when they saw her coming.

She wished she could see the person who had done this. Perhaps their painting reflected who they were. If so, they had to be the most beautiful person Sakura had ever met. Or… hadn't met.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

so, tune in next time to see the next adventure of sasuke and sakura!!

and please, PLEASE review!! IM BEGGING YOU!!

-

p.s. the mural painter isnt sasuke. you think i'd be that predictable? HAH. you underestimate me. you underestimate me greatly.

XD


	4. Chapter 4, July 4th, get it? it's clever

well this chappy is a slight intermission from the normal plot. no rules of chick in this one. it's also supah short. my bad.

_RANDOM STORY OF THE WEEK-ish:_ I was doing some street evangalizm with my church a few days ago, (it sounds lame. i know. i was helping lead a bunch of 6th graders that had NO idea what the crap to do. it was funny.) and we were talking to people on the street and stuff, and inviting them to go to the new church that had just been built. well anyway, we talked to this one dude, and APPARENTLY, he thinks he's God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit all in one person.

i know, right?

he was talking about how he knew exactly when jesus was coming back, and that in the year 3008, that exact time/date, judgement would rain down on us, and the we must follow him... blah blah.

no one knew what to do, so i handed him a flyer for the church. (XD) then when i was walking away, he started yelling "OH YE OF LITTLE FAITH!!"

lol i thought it was a riot. some of the 6th graders were a little freaked out.

too bad there's so many stalkers on the internet, and no one knows where i live, otherwise you could tell everyone you know where god lives. hahahaa

also, title sucks.

also also, i own nothing but my keyboard and brain.

**Chapter Four - The Beauty in Irrational Associations**

Sasuke was taking extra care to avoid any contact with Sakura that day. Eyes, touch, even the unfortunate seating charts were mysteriously shredded in a kunai-related incident.

Sasuke coughed absently as the teacher came in to find his paperwork obliterated. No one minded much, though Sakura was slightly suspicious.

As those days go, because Sasuke was avoiding her, it seemed as if they ran into each other an abnormal amount. In between classes, at lunch, in the hallway. Sasukes gym class even doubled that day with Sakuras. Incidents were avoided, but was not the most pleasant thing.

_Chicks do not tell me what to do. _Sasuke was muttering to himself as he destroyed a small, skinny boy with glasses in dodge ball. He was mad, and nerds were always located so conveniently close that it was almost a divine appointment. _I need no advice from a chick. _

Yet there was that one moronic part of him that had hung around Naruto too much and insisted on being fickle. This annoying part of him would always pop up, smiling, and politely remind him that he was the one that had asked Sakura in the first place.

A cooler, dominant Sasuke would then jump up and punch cheerful-Sasuke in the throat.

_Damn conscience, _he thought to himself.

--

That night, there was a celebration in the village. It was the anniversary of the banishment of the nine-tails.

Sakura lay on the steep sloping hills that were on the other side of the Hokage cliffs, her eyes closed. It was quiet here. The hum of people celebrating, laughing and talking was a dim throb in the background, and faded quickly. The only sounds close enough to hear was the rustle of the tall, dry brown grass, and the wind whipping past her ears.

But then, there was something else to hear.

"Why aren't you in the village celebrating?"

Her eyes stayed shut, delicately savoring the way his voice sounded on the air. "This is where Naruto and I meet every year. This is what we do during the celebration."

Sasuke frowned. "I'll leave, then."

Her dark lashes slowly lifted. "No," she murmured, "It would mean a lot to him if you stayed. He enjoys your company."

Her green azure eyes flashed brightly in the sunlight. Sasuke was hit with the vast amounts of color that swept over the landscape. There was the perfect blue of the sky, the blinding white of the clouds, and the bright yellow of the grass. But her eyes, her hair, they were the only colors that mattered to him. Vivid green, soft pink.

Soon, an orange jumpsuit was added to the colors, and light blond hair that matched the grass. His blue eyes were downcast, and the normally active mouth was lowered.

Naruto was quiet.

"Happy Freedom day," he mumbled.

"I brought lunch and dinner." Sakura said quietly, pulling up a luncheon basket.

Naruto looked up and smiled weakly. "Ramen?"

Sakura nodded and brought out four thermoses full of ramen. She smiled as Naruto's eyes sparkled. Sasuke sat a few steps away, a blotch of darkness on the otherwise bright hillside. He watched in silence as Sakura coaxed a smile out of Naruto, and he slowly began responding normally. Sakura had always said she wanted to be a healer. He hadn't realized she was a healer on the inside too.

Naruto then noticed him. "Sasuke! You came too? This is a party now!" the blond smiled hugely at the sight of the Uchiha. He hopped over to him immediately. "What're you doing here? I thought you would be--" here, his smiled faltered. "Well, I thought you wouldn't be here.

Sakura smiled softly as she saw the two best friends talking. They had such an odd relationship. They were the most important people to each other, but they acted as if they hated each other. Naruto was more at ease, and the thing that made him a good friend, was that he understood that Sasuke had trouble showing many emotions. The unlikely companionship often resulted in bruises and broken noses, but both knew that it was all right, and they would still be there again the next morning.

They spent the day on the hillside, joined later by Kakashi and Iruka. As the light dimmed, a fireworks display began from the top of the Hokage cliffs.

Naruto smiled gently, surrounded by everyone he loved, and felt at ease, Sasuke on his right and Sakura on his left.

"Thank you," he whispered. It was so low that Sasuke almost missed it. Him and Sakura turned to Naruto, and saw him smiling at the both of them.

"Thank you," he repeated.

Sasuke allowed a smile to curl the sides of his mouth. "Of course."

--

well, happy fourth everyone.

(to all my british readers, i got nothin. XD)

ooh wait. isnt there like, a guy fawkes day or something like that? where you burn dummies and stuff? i dont know, im not british. hahaha

how 'bout this?

**CONTEST: first person to email me and tell me as much as they can about "Guy Fawkes day" (or whatever it's called) gets a free story from yours truly written on request. **

**Rule 1: you have to be british. Duh. (i'll put a contest up for my peeps here in 'Merica later, k?) **

**Rule 2: winner must have a complete-ish rundown of the holiday. bonus points for more than one holiday mentioned. **

**Rule 3: My commision story will be a one-shot, must be rated teen or lower. (No M.) and must not contain Yaoi/Yuri/Incest, any of that stuff. **

**_have at it!! _**

(and review, too.)


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